I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
