i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
