My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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