Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
