I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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