She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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