My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
