i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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