I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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