Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
