Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize