now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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