i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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