Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
