it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
