The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
