I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
