Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
