I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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