I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
