we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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