Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
