I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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