That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
