He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
