and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
