last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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