And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
