So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
