I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
