I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
