My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
