People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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