Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
