just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
