Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
