ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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