i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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