The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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