and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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