I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think my cat just said my name.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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