Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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