Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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