When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
