friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
