I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
