Welp...herpes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
