Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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