don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
