I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
