If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
