I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
