I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
