i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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