and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
