My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
