Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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