....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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