Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
