So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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