i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Welp...herpes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
