i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
