I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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