I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
