The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
